July Reflections

Outgrowing the Version of You They Still Want to Control

A Mid-Year Moment to Pause and Reflect

As we approach the end of July and break free from who we used to be. Stepping into this second half of the year is a perfect time to pause, not just to look back, but to look within. The calendar may be turning, but what truly matters is how we show up in this next season of our lives.

For my Refined men and women, seasoned by experience, wisdom, and quiet strength – this time of year isn’t just about goals or intentions. It’s about alignment. About honoring the person you’ve become, even if others are still holding on to an outdated version of who you used to be. Way back, when I cared… lol, this is what bothered me. Now that I am in my, Don’t Give AF & No More Fucks to give era, let me show you how it’s done. 

Freedom Isn’t Always Loud – Sometimes It’s Personal

July is the month of independence. Fireworks, barbecues, family gatherings, all reminders of freedom. But for many of us, true freedom comes quietly. It looks like boundaries. Like peace. Like walking away from the need to be controlled, manipulated, or boxed in by someone else’s expectations. Many of you know, it’s the many reasons why I packed up and moved to the West Coast. 

You may have grown. You’ve become calmer. Clearer. More intentional. But not everyone has caught up. Some may still expect you to show up as the version of yourself that pleased them, tolerated them, or made them comfortable. I think you should read this paragraph again!

That version may have smiled through discomfort, said yes when your soul whispered no, or stayed quiet to keep the peace. But not any DAMN more. Say it with me…

Let Go of the Control, the Kind Others Still Think They Have Over You

So as we walk into the second half of 2025, I encourage you to reflect:

• Who still treats you as who you used to be, instead of who you are now?
  
• Where are you still dimming your light to fit someone else’s comfort?
  
• What relationships or habits are rooted in outdated versions of your growth?

This is your invitation to continue evolving, unapologetically. Bless those past versions of yourself, they got you here. But let’s stop performing for the parts of your life that no longer fit. You owe no one a performance.

July reminds us not only of where we’ve come from, but who we’re becoming. And the most powerful version of you may be the one that no longer needs permission to change.

This Is the Season to Walk in Your Growth

Do not run, walk. They need to see and hear you coming. July reminds us that independence is not a one-time event. It’s a practice. A choice. A daily honoring of the evolved version of you, the version others may not fully understand, but one you must now fully embrace.

So how do you do that?
How do you show them and yourself that you’ve outgrown who you used to be?

10 Practical Things You Can Do Today

1. Set a Boundary and Stick to It

Say no, not today or that doesn’t work for me without guilt or over-explaining. Whether it’s turning down an invitation, ending a draining phone call, or declining a favor, honor your emotional capacity.

2. Respond Differently Than You Used To

When someone tries to push a button they’ve always pushed, pause. Breathe. Don’t react – respond with a more grounded response. Don’t match their energy – elevate yours. Show them that the old emotional triggers no longer work on the healed you.

3. Prioritize Yourself Without Guilt

Carve out time for something you want to do today, even if it means someone else has to wait. That walk, that book, meditation, lunch, event or long bath – reclaim your time. Choosing yourself, without guilt, is a sign of real maturity. That’s that grown man/woman shit. 

4. Let Go of the Need to Be Understood

When you truly grow, some people won’t get it. Resist the urge to defend your choices. Let your life speak for itself. Growth doesn’t always need a press release – HELLO. Show them you’ve outgrown that need by Not chasing their approval or validation – Not warranted. 

5. Break a Pattern

If you’re usually the fixer, the listener, the one who keeps the peace, or running in for the rescue – step back today. Let others figure shit out. Your healing is not on hold for their comfort. Can I get an Amen?

6. Unfollow, Mute, or Detach

Take inventory of what drains your spirit on social media, in your inbox, or in your real life. Detach. You don’t need permission to protect your peace – ever, it’s a sign of growth. Let them figure out what you already know. 

7. Present Yourself in a Way That Reflects Who You Are Now

Dress, speak, or move in a way that reflects who you are now, not who others still want you to be. Yes, confidence is quiet, but it’s also unmistakable. The way you carry yourself often says more than words ever could. One of the reasons I opt for the more classic pieces and neutral colors. However, color doesn’t matter when your confidence shines through.

8. Speak Your Truth – Calmly

Address it. Let them hear your new voice – respectfully. You don’t have to be aggressive to be assertive. Show them your boundaries are not a phase –  they’re permanent.

9. Redirect Those Conversations That Drag You Back

When someone brings up who you used to be, mistakes, habits, or behaviors you’ve moved past, gently redirect: “That’s not who I am anymore.” Remember, insecurities bring up old shit. Let your evolution be undeniable.

10. Make One Bold Decision That Serves You

Whether it’s letting go of a toxic relationship, hmmm do and did, applying for a new opportunity, or finally saying what needs to be said, Oh yeah, I am ya girl for this one. Do something today that your old self wouldn’t have had the courage to do, even if it confuses or disappoints someone. And don’t give a shit, because it’s about you right now, not them.

Walk Into Your Next Chapter, Fully You

This is your moment, not to prove anything to anyone, but to honor the inner shifts that no longer allow you to shrink, settle, or stay silent.

Let this be the season you show up differently, not to shock others, but to affirm yourself. The second half of the year belongs to the version of you that is no longer controlled by old patterns, past roles, or outdated expectations. They may not recognize you and that’s okay, you’ve grown – let them adjust.